The Paradox In Me

I am strong yet vulnerable. For years now, I believed that I can make all things by myself. I never wanted to ask for help, neither little assistance. In my mind I was always strong. But there are just things that makes me vulnerable. Frustrations can really put my life in a mess and I hate it. Hearthaches, though I have been through a lot of it already, still makes my world miserable. Failures are my worst enemy. I have tried to fight them with all my might but once in a while, they will knock on my door steps just perfect to ruined all the best things that I have for the moment.

I am confident but insecure. I believed in myself and in my capabilities. I cannot say that I'm a genius (coz really I am not!) but I know that I am smart. It's not that I am saying that I know all the things in these world but one thing is sure, I knew something. Argue with me but most of the people who knows me well would definitely say that I am indeed a smart gal. But there are times where I felt that I am really stupid. I felt that I know nothing. There are instances that made me question my abilities and what I really know. I know that I'm heading the direction towards success but there are things that made me want to give up and quit the fight. It made me so weak to face the battle of life.

I am smart but at times I felt that I am lost. Maybe I was able to convince a lot of my former classmates, teachers and friends that I am a smart student. With all the good traits of a student-no absences, no tardiness, no to cheating, passes the requirements on time-name it, I have it all. How can I not convince them that I am a smart student? Smart people are supposed to do good things. Well in school I did what was expected of a smart student. But in real life scenarios, there have been a lot of imperfections in me. I may be smart but hey! I am still human and I am capable of committing mistakes. So why is it a big deal to most of the people whenever I do something that is not within their standards? Maybe they have put so much pressure on me. They have seen me as a smart gal, so perfect that they thought I was some kind of a saint...Oh common...give me break!

I am a human being. I have my ups and downs. I have strength but I also have weaknesses. I know I have been given a lot of trust and a lot of responsibilities. But please try to understand that I also have my life to live, to enjoy and to cherish. Mistakes are certainly not the best things to commit in life. But they are the ones that refine us into a better person... I am strong yet vulnerable, confident but insecure, smart yet at a lost...